The Importance Of Social Cues
Do you remember 3D art? It was art generated by computers that looked like nonsense at first glance. It took concentration and knowing what to look for to see the actual object that would jump out at you. Perhaps you’d see a face, or a starship, or a turtle…whatever it was, it wasn’t something that you could see right away.
Understanding social cues for a child with speech delays or other speech challenges is somewhat like that. Of course, knowing social cues is not as trivial as being able to recognize art. But the two are similar in that unless you know what to look for it’s very hard to see what’s in front of your eyes.
Summer is a great time to help your child with social issues. It’s an ideal time because unlike the school year you have more control over what social settings he’s going to face. You can decide whether he should have practice runs at home or if it’s time for him to interact with others. During this summer you can prepare him to go back to school knowing more about social cues and how to use them.
This blog will really be helpful for children ages ten and above.
First off, you may still be wondering, “What’s so important about social cues?” Good question. Social cues are signals that most of us pick up naturally without having to learn it. For the most part, we were able to engage in society to the extent that we picked up these social cues without even realizing it. This is how we learn about communicating through body language, facial gestures, language expression, etc.
A child dealing with speech problems may not have this sort of experience. If your child has a hard enough time communicating with you, he’s probably had very few chances to communicate with his peers and total strangers. Or maybe he has autism, and for some children with autism it’s very difficult to pick up on social cues. Either way, constant and easy interaction with other people is the typical way of picking up social cues. Without it, it’s easy to misunderstand the social cues that are simply a part of everyday living.
Can I Join Your Group ?
Let’s go ahead and tackle social skills head on by learning how to join a group. It’s actually somewhat similar to finding the object in 3D art. It takes keen observation to get the hang of it. Let’s say your child is attracted to a group and wants to join in on their talk. Here are some steps he can take to become a part of the group without barging in:
-watch them from a distance and listen in on their conversation
-try to make eye contact if you are interested in what they are talking about
-go up to the group
-wait for them to stop speaking before you talk
-ask if you can join the conversation
It doesn’t stop there. Just as important as seamlessly entering a group conversation is the conduct inside of it, such as:
-be courteous
-be interested in what others are saying
-wait politely for your turn to speak
-don’t take over the conversation
That’s an especially difficult social setting to master because it involves so many steps. But each type of setting has its own challenges and social cues that need to be practiced.
Excuse Me
Another social situation that can quickly become awkward and unpleasant is interrupting. Most of the time interrupting someone is rude and uncalled for. But there are other times when an interruption is necessary. What should a child do in this instance? Here are a few steps that he can take to handle this social skill:
-make eye contact with the person you need to speak to: sometimes this is enough to get this person to realize you have an actual reason to speak to them right then
-wait for a break in the conversation: if it’s not urgent or an emergency then you can wait for a pause in the conversation to speak
-keep your comments short and to the point: if you have no choice but to make a rude or hasty interruption let the person know in clear and simple sentences what your reason was so they take you seriously, so they can understand why you had to interrupt
The Art Of Conversation
Conversation is a social skill that even adults have trouble with. Maybe your child has a hard time holding a conversation. Perhaps he tends to dominate a conversation. Maybe he just keeps talking and won’t stop. Or it could be that he just starts talking about one topic that he just loves and won’t talk about anything else, not letting anyone else say anything. There are a few things you can do to change this behavior:
-teach your child how to ask questions: how the other person is doing, what they are talking about, questions that show interest in the other person
-being on topic: instead of only talking about what he wants to talk about, teach him how to add to the conversation by making comments that are about the topic at hand
-simply wait: exactly like with interrupting, teach him to wait until a pause in the conversation to talk about what he wants to talk about
–show him the wrong way: have a conversation with him and give examples of what it’s like to be interrupted, dominating a conversation, etc., so that he can see what it feels like for other people if he does it to them
Teach At Home
Perhaps you feel like your child is especially resistant towards learning these lessons. Or perhaps you just don’t want him to make too many mistakes. Maybe you worry that he’ll get picked on when he goes back to high school, or when he starts. You don’t have to leave anything to chance.
Practice with him at home. Show him how to interrupt correctly, and what happens if he does it wrong. Teach him the best ways to join a group so that it’s an enjoyable experience. Practice over and over again the wrong ways and the right ways to hold a conversation. Be explicitly clear about the right way to do things and the wrong way of doing things, so that there is no confusion whatsoever.
The Real World
When you’ve done everything you can at home, the next step is to let him try things out for himself. Watch how he does at a family gathering so that you can talk to him about what he did wrong and right afterwards. Monitor him a little less when you go to another outing like the beach and ask him what happened later on. Let him loose with a large group of adolescents at a friend’s birthday party or even better, a summer camp.
Let Him Be
Teach and show him as much as you can. Practice the same social skills dozens and hundreds of times, until you feel satisfied. Maybe you never feel that it’s enough, and that’s okay. In the end the most important thing you can do is set him free to learn on his own. You’ve done what you can, and now you have to trust that it was enough. There’s really no better teacher than real life.
With your patience, understanding and guidance, this summer can help expand his social awareness to a great degree. But at the end of the day you just have to sit back and let him stare at the 3D picture all by himself, until he can delightfully find the object within.