Why Won’t He Listen?
Maybe it’s almost bedtime so you ask your kiddo to put away his toys. You step away to finish clearing up dinner and to make some improvements to your work project. You go back to whisk him away for the night but he’s still playing with his toys. Patiently you ask him again to gather up his toys and put them away. You go ahead and finish the dishes and print your report. You peek around the corner into the living room…and toys are still scattered all over the place. Now you’re exasperated. Why isn’t he listening? Isn’t he too young to be rebelling?
Lost In Translation
For children who are typically developing, this may be a case of them just wanting to see how far they can push the envelope. But for a child with developmental delays or speech and language challenges, it may come down to simple miscommunication. He doesn’t understand the message you are trying to convey.
Keep It Simple
Does this mean you shouldn’t hold him to the same standards? Of course not. Typically developing or not, you should expect your child to put away his toys after playtime or to clean his room. But instead of saying “Clean up your room because we’re going to the park,” say “First clean, then park.” Use only the key words necessary to make him understand. As they say, make it short, sweet and to the point.
How Was Your Day Dear?
Now let’s look at another common scenario. Your child comes home from school, and when you ask him how his day was, he doesn’t have anything to say. Believe it or not, your child can respond, but not to the way you’re phrasing the question. Children who are developmentally challenged or who have speech and language delays oftentimes have more trouble grasping abstract concepts than they do concrete concepts. Asking “how was your day?” can be too abstract for them because there’s no quick and easy answer to respond with. For your child, a more successful question might be “What kind of food would you like to eat?” or “Grab the ball” while the ball is right in front of him.
Get Some Help
Again, this doesn’t mean that you can’t ask him how was day was. It’s perfectly normal for you to ask that question so you can find out how he’s feeling, if he’s safe while he’s away from you, if he’s making friends, etc. But you should work your way to the day you can ask that question in the abstract and get answers that will satisfy you. One good way to do this is to partner with his teacher or daycare provider so you know what his schedule is. This way you know what he faces during the day so you can ask questions about specific situations that he’ll find easier to answer. So instead of more of the same, you get something like this:
Making Progress
-“What did you do today?” (No answer)
-“What did you have for lunch today?” (No answer)
-“Did you have chicken nuggets? Pizza? A sandwich?”
Since you have a copy of the school schedule you already know he had chicken nuggets. Perhaps he still won’t respond. But by putting in all this effort you’ve laid the groundwork to eventually have a proper discussion with your child. Tailor your language so he can understand you. Provide him with easy prompts that he can answer when he’s ready.
Hope Plus Work
It can be very easy to jump to conclusions and think your child may not be listening to you or that he’s being disobedient. Instead of doing what you have in the past (and what doesn’t work anyway) support your child and give him the benefit of the doubt. He may simply just not understand what it is you’re trying to say. Make it possible for your child who has developmental delays or speech and language difficulties to understand you. If you’re working with a speech and language pathologist, tell them what you’re observing at home and at school. It’s all valuable information necessary to help you tackle this problem together.